Well, not love love. I'm not trying to have a pudding orgy.
|No thank you.|
|You may even go on wacky adventures and have something akin to a religious experience with food.|
And speaking of sustenance, is there really any food better than comfort food?
|You just drooled a little didn't you? |
It's okay, go ahead and take a moment to clean your keyboard.
Can we all just agree that these comfort foods have reached the apex of culinary greatness? No more work need be done! Just recreate these blessed dishes and stand back while we stuff our faces full of starch and dead animal flesh.
Specifically, things like...
One of the few foods to inspire a singing career, it's such a humble meal, but oh so satisfying in the simplicity of it's construction. You mold ground beef into the shape of a loaf and bake it like bread. It's a loaf of meat. Meatloaf. Impossible to screw up. Just top with ketchup and brown sugar for immediate satisfaction.
|"Yeah, baby. Cover me with sugar and I'll be your paradise by the dashboard light. |
Oh god... I'm so lonely."
|It's a loaf of dead cow. |
Do we really need more protein?
Of course I ate all of it.... because I'm a pig and Jim Gaffigan is my spirit animal, but it was a less than satisfying experience that I felt could have been remedied had the cook simply NOT FUCKED WITH PERFECTION!
But meatloaf isn't the only victim...
|Mmm.... eat me plain or between some buns.|
Allow me to relay this horror story: I once was given a chicken salad sandwich that was studded with jalapenos and streaked with mustard.
It was just.... no.
|Why?! Why would you ruin something so innocent and pure?!|
We are no longer on speaking terms...
Mac 'n' Cheese
|OH GOD YESSS!! |
Cover me with cheese and bacon drippings and let me die happy!
Stomach full. Arteries fuller.
The cheesy goodness of mac 'n' cheese is especially forgiving of intrepid chefs in the making.
Want to kick things up a notch by adding bacon? Sure.
|Oink oink, bitches.|
|It almost looks like you tried.|
You know what, nevermind. I just realized mac 'n' cheese is perfect. You can't hurt it.
It takes on all comers and wraps them in a warm cheesy embrace.
|Shhh.... shhh you're safe now. |
Surrender yourself to the cheese.
Yet as happy as all these foods make me, chips... with dip... are my crack.
And are also the one food most likely to be suffering from an identity crisis.
|Bet you can't have just one... dozen.|
|I believe the word you're looking for is "abomination".|
I mean, a cheeseburger chip? Really?
|McDonalds is open 24/7. |
We don't need you.
|Goddammit Doritos, you've already climbed into bed with Taco Bell |
and birthed the unholy deliciousness that is Doritos Locos Tacos.
You've gone mad with power!
|Spectacularly well I might add.|
But how many testing stages did this stuff have to go through before it was given the green light?
Who are these people? What were they on?
|Words fail me.|