Like, really old.
As in; Survived-The-Depression-And-Both-World-Wars old, Older-Than-Your-Grandparents old, or, Old-Before-Old-Was-A-Thing old
By the way, ever notice that when the same word is repeated over and over it kind of loses it's meaning?
No? Well, nevermind then.
Anyway, specifically, it's Built-In-1900 old.
It was a simpler time. A time when people could wear hats and look fabulous, instead of pretentious.
And were also more racist....
- High ceilings.
Most people dig tall ceilings because they make a room feel larger, which is nice since humans generally aren't den creatures.
|Unless you have a hobbit ancestry.|
|By all rights, this is a code-red emergency situation. |
On another note, someone could make a fortune by operating a Squash-A-Bug Hotline...
But not to be outdone, I later smooshed the little bastard with a catapulted shoe, and left the corpse as a warning for the others.
|And now I just pray that my aim is always that good.|
- Claw Foot Tubs
I think we can all agree that those claw foot tubs look awesome.
|And, oddly enough, make me want to have a soak with a cigar in one hand and a martini in the other.|
Hey, remember that awkward stretch you did in gym class? Where you had to stand on one foot while stretching your other leg behind you?
Although, it's more likely that you hopped around like an idiot instead of actually stretching anything...
|Look at this smug asshole with his stupid balance and low center of gravity.|
And things get especially dicey when trying to wash your hair after a few wobbly pops.
|Shower beers shift from being relaxing to insanely difficult when there's no walls to lean against.|
|...and that was the second time I destroyed the shower rod...|
- "Better Get Skinny" Bathroom
Modern bathrooms are fairly spacious and accommodating. But back in the day, especially in rural areas, indoor plumbing was more of an afterthought. People just stuck a toilet in wherever they could find room. Hence the Harry Potter-esque bathroom-under-the-stairs.
|Well, if the loo fits...|
|Ever just want to see how slow your blood can flow?|
There's also the possibility that...
- In a house this old, someone has probably died in it... and is now a pissed-off ghost.
Go ahead and laugh. "Oh haha, what a silly girl thing to say. Look at you, all afraid of ghosts."
Except my neighborhood looks like this:
|Now picture it at night. |
Not so silly anymore is it?
Anyway, there are no signs of an active haunting... yet. But we also haven't quite gotten into the more nitty gritty aspects of home renovation either. God forbid we start pulling up floorboards, find a rusted key that fits a dusty chest behind a secret door and accidentally open a ghostbuster "containment unit".
|No good can come of this.|
|"Do you sense something?"|
"Yes. Your breakfast burrito."
|You have to appreciate a guy who can deliver a demon smack-down.|
|We will make you choke on that pea-soup, bitch.|
In all actuality though, I am super stoked about this house. Sure, it's old and not in the best shape.
But it's mine, and the possibilities are literally endless.
|And seriously... look at that porch!|