|Taking a Lewis Carroll inspired acid trip, for instance.|
Like when a small landscaping project turns into a severe plumbing emergency.
|You know, just for an example|
Over time, my weekends have morphed from consisting solely of wacky antics, group high fives, and hangovers to house work, and ogling the Home Depot gardening section.
|I have never been so turned on by flora.|
Since Troy's not generally one to make noises of distress, I naturally assumed he was doing battle with a gator from the marsh across the street.
|Yes, I'm aware this is actually a crocodile.|
|Hello. I'm here to cause panic.|
I wish I could say I remained stoic in the face of impending disaster.
"DIG! We need to contain the water!"
For the record, it is truly impressive how quickly people can work under stress. In less than two minutes we were well on our way to creating a fairly impressive koi pond.
Sans koi, of course.
|And aren't water features just all the rage?|
But a broken, gushing pipe is not something that I was prepared to deal with.
So if you're ever faced with a similar pipe burst and need to immediately turn off your water, don't freak out like I did. Instead find the meter in your yard conveniently labeled "Water".
|To be fair, it's almost idiot proof.|
Once located, use your terror fueled adrenaline to pry off the lid. You'll then see a small knob that controls the flow.
If you remember, it's also a good idea to turn on the faucets in the house before turning off the water. This will help prevent a buildup of air in the waterline and keep your indoor faucets from sputtering.
Now, to shut off the water. You may be lucky and have a fancy-dancy water key.
Of course, a pair of pliers and the aforementioned panic induced adrenaline is equally effective.
This is what it should look like when turned off.
And then when it's on.
Congratulations! You've just averted disaster!
|"And I took a hearty dump this morning."|
|WWI soldiers not included.|
On a more positive note, Troy is now twelve feet closer to achieving his childhood dream of having a moat.
And so, we are currently accepting applications from drawbridge architects.