Now Hiring: Drawbridge Architects

There are moments in life when the unexpected happens...

Taking a Lewis Carroll inspired acid trip, for instance.

  ...and how we choose to respond to those situations is a good indication of who we are as individuals.

Like when a small landscaping project turns into a severe plumbing emergency.
 

You know, just for an example

Over time, my weekends have morphed from consisting solely of wacky antics, group high fives, and hangovers to house work, and ogling the Home Depot gardening section.
 

I have never been so turned on by flora.
Seriously.

Which is why, instead of hiding from the light, I was out in the yard on a Saturday morning, armed with an ax and a pair of loppers, destroying what remained of a massive hedge of dead azalea bushes, when I heard Troy's yell.

Since Troy's not generally one to make noises of distress, I naturally assumed he was doing battle with a gator from the marsh across the street.

Yes, I'm aware this is actually a crocodile.

Approaching cautiously with my ax, I was met with a very different spectacle.

Mon Dieu!

A standalone spigot in the middle of the front yard had been previously bent down into the ground by a work crew, and it did not take kindly to Troy's attempts of bending it back upright.

Hello. I'm here to cause panic.
*SNAP!*

And a geyser was born.

I wish I could say I remained stoic in the face of impending disaster.

But no.

"Shit. Shit. Shit! What do we do?!"

"DIG! We need to contain the water!"

For the record, it is truly impressive how quickly people can work under stress. In less than two minutes we were well on our way to creating a fairly impressive koi pond.

Sans koi, of course.

And aren't water features just all the rage?

Granted I'm exaggerating the size of our plumbing emergency.

Slightly. 

But a broken, gushing pipe is not something that I was prepared to deal with.

So if you're ever faced with a similar pipe burst and need to immediately turn off your water, don't freak out like I did. Instead find the meter in your yard conveniently labeled "Water".

To be fair, it's almost idiot proof.

Generally located about ten feet away from the road, the water meter will also sometimes be painted blue or have a blue marker on it.
Once located, use your terror fueled adrenaline to pry off the lid. You'll then see a small knob that controls the flow. 

 If you remember, it's also a good idea to turn on the faucets in the house before turning off the water. This will help prevent a buildup of air in the waterline and keep your indoor faucets from sputtering.

Now, to shut off the water. You may be lucky and have a fancy-dancy water key.

High-tech.

 Just put the U-shaped end of the key over the knob-like valve and turn.

Of course, a pair of pliers and the aforementioned panic induced adrenaline is equally effective. 

 This is what it should look like when turned off.

 And then when it's on.

Congratulations! You've just averted disaster!

"And I took a hearty dump this morning."

Our particular scenario involved an immediate and significant amount of digging around the broken pipe to keep the gurgle somewhat contained. Followed by shutting off the water, and then digging a twelve foot trench.

WWI soldiers not included.

Because that's how long the snapped pipe extended until it connected with the main city line.

Blech.

On a more positive note, Troy is now twelve feet closer to achieving his childhood dream of having a moat.

And so, we are currently accepting applications from drawbridge architects.