So you want to buy a house…

We’re looking because we just got married…want to start a family… move out of the parent’s place…need more room…settle down…invest in property…good time to buy…the bodies are starting to pile up and I need a place to put them...

Er... I mean... need more space

You don’t have to explain yourself. There are a lot of reasons people want to become homeowners. We’re all chasing after some version of the American Dream. And for most people, owning a piece of property is a part of that, whether it’s a condo high rise, townhouse, or single family home.
So if you fantasize about spending Saturdays at Home Depot, or killing your obnoxious apartment mates, homeownership could be for you!

Sweeping generalizations here, but I'm going to run with it.
Like many of my friends I graduated college in 2008. In Michigan.
Coincidently that is the same year the economy decided to explore it’s daredevil side and go into a freefall.  

Pictured: Economy circa 2008

You know things are bad out there when you’ve got a bachelors degree and are working as a cocktail waitress. Suddenly those four years of higher learning don’t seem as valuable as the ability to hike up your boobs and apply just the right amount of eyeliner.

Not complaining though. In reality I am very, very lucky.
My “in-between time” was short, only about eight months. And I had the privilege of working with and for some of the best people I’ve yet to meet.

After putting out applications and resumes to most of the lower 48 I finally got what I thought was my “big break” and went to work for the state of Ohio as a juvenile corrections officer.

Ever have a job so soul sucking that you literally got sick to your stomach every day before you went to work? Yeah. I did that shit for a year. While again applying to jobs everywhere I could think of. Every. Single. State.
After using up all my vacation, personal, and sick leave to attend interviews I finally caught a break and was hired on as a parole officer for the state of Georgia.

And for those of you that haven’t done it yet. Let me tell you, there is nothing more satisfying than giving the finger, both of them, to the job you hate. It was almost worth spending a year in that hell hole just to instigate a riot and tell ODYS to suck it on my last day.  But that’s a story for another time…

Although seriously Ohio, fuck you.

And for the record, I’m not trying to pull any bullshit that I single handedly pulled myself up by my bootstraps. As ingrained as that ideology is in American, no one is an island. And the people who pretend that their success is only of their own making are either liars or delusional. Everyone gets some help in some form along the way, and if you fail to recognize it, then screw you for being an ungrateful bastard.
I’ve definitely had help from family and friends, for which I am eternally grateful. And, let’s be honest. A little luck can do wonders. However, for as much as you can “trust to Providence” you’ve still got to row toward shore.

So anyway, one happy dance, a transfer, and a year and six months later, I’m living in Savannah fuckin Georgia. 

Yeah, that's basically my backyard.

And I am actually, dare I say it? In a realistic position to hoodwink a bank into buying me a house so I can pay them back twice it’s worth over the course of thirty years!

Long live the American Dream!

Seriously though, most people are in the position where they’re spending just as much in rent as they would be on a monthly mortgage payment, for significantly less space, and zero investment potential. And the only thing keeping them from being homeowners is that down payment.

Yup. This is 2011 folks, the days of 100% financing are pretty much over. Better start saving your pennies, and hope that life doesn’t decide to screw you with a horrific mudslide of failure.

So here I go. I’m young and inexperienced, but don’t let the mascara fool you.

I’m off to buy a house.

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